┬┐Que sera, que sera?

July 9 2022

I've already gone into it in depth with plenty of others. If you are one of them then you're probably aware of a murder that hit close to home for me. That is probably the best way to put it on here out in the open without giving too many details.I do not even want to get into the level of depravity and violence that surrounded the situation. Nobody ever thinks that it will happen to them, nobody thinks that it will happen to their relatives or friends. Domestic violence is a real issue that stays under wraps, most likely because these discussions would erode the facade of normalcy many families partake in.

The guilt and shame I've felt is related to my desensitazion to violence. I can guarantee that both sides of my family were riddled with domestic violence down several generations. I knew of the severity from a young age, my father had no qualms about detailing the way in which my mother was beaten with a hammer as a child. And then I had her accounts of hiding during abuelas beatings. I don't feel this is anything unique to the region though. It's common for children to work from young ages on the sides of the road. My abuelo told me about being abused by a man who took him in for his child labor. I think of him and the happy times we had, here in America. Deep down I couldn't forget of the stories I heard, and how he hit my other abuela as well. I heard he had changed for the better. That's the only version of him I ever came to know.

When it comes to the beatings I recieved, I'd just rather not discuss it at all. I have gaps in my memory. I try not to complain because I know other children in this culture have recieved worse. Not that it's a healthy mindset. It just depresses me to think about the way violence is passed down from generation to generation. Alcoholism most likely included.